The Mascott’s Intermission

Due to hurricanes, the article I had planned at AICN and the one I had for here at will be postponed ever so slightly.

But it’s okay. I know exactly how to deal with situations like this.

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Aliens: Colonial Marines article up @ Ain’t it Cool News

Why not take a look over there for my thoughts on what I saw?

NYCC – Mascott Has Plenty Of Chest-Bursting Love For What He Sees Of SEGA’s ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES

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Ain’t it Cool News & Mascott

I just had my first articles go up over at Ain’t it Cool News. I think that makes me a real journalist now, guys!

Well. Kinda.

I’ll be putting more up there throughout the week, so just hold onto your britches. Before I can put up a post about NYCC here on, I’ll be finishing up my obligations over there. In the meantime, however…

NYCC – Mascott Reports From The CARRIE Presentation With A Description Of The Teaser Trailer And More!!
NYCC – Mascott Has All The Details From The EVIL DEAD Presentation!!
NYCC – Mascott Sees Plenty To Be Frightened By At THE CONJURING Presentation!!

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The Family Reunion: A Mascott Recap of How I Met Your Mother – Season 8, Episode 2 – “The Pre-Nup”

The Family Reunion

Hey internet. How was your week? Good? Yeah. I’m glad. Mine too. It was pretty good. I hope it wasn’t good enough that you missed this week’s How I Met Your Mother, because if that’s the case I’m about to spoil the shit out of it.

The episode starts with something that always happens at the beginning of the season – the fast forward past the summer, because nothing interesting has ever happened to Ted in the six months between April and October. This time, it was due to the fact that everyone being in a relationship doesn’t lead to any good stories. (…Yeah. Probably.) Fast forward to October 2012, (Hey!) the “Autumn of Breakups.” Bob Odenkirk returns as Arthur Hobbs, who strongly advises Barney to get a prenuptial agreement with Quinn. This, of course, being because his ex-wife Darlene was able to take custody of the “best dog in the whole wide world,” Tugboat.

Who he later replaced with the failure of a dog, known only to fans of the show as “Disappointment.”

Read More »

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On My Business Cards and the Stressful Art of Their Creation

I remember reading once, in the nebulous thousands of articles of varied subjects that I’ve partaken of over the years, that the toughest part of starting any career is choosing the design of your business card.

Of course, for someone whose title happens to be “Freelance Columnist,” it is somewhere between ten and ∞ times harder. I had to have these ready by New York Comic Con, so I wouldn’t be an asshole again and when someone asks for my business card I just write down my email on a scrap of paper. I have real press credentials this year, writing for a real website – I was doing it right this year. (Goddamn does having actually done that email on paper thing still make me feel weird.)

(They did not email me, for the record.)

So I started simply. I knew that I didn’t want to use Vistaprint, because everyone uses Vistaprint – It’s simply that their prices are so cheap. Because of that, about half of their printed cards have on them the job title of “Hobo.” I went to a site I had created business cards at before, but never actually bought them, Moo.

(It’s sort of like when you go on Apple’s site and customize a laptop that Tim Cook couldn’t afford.)

I started with this design, called “Write On Me.”  I thought it was neat, and I could always write the site that I was writing for on it. (The name of which I still probably shouldn’t post on the internet yet, but seriously. Guys. It’s a big one.)

But then I thought, well, then it’s just another business card. The biggest problem, really, was that it had so much room for so much information, but I had so little to give – I had my name, my title, my email, my phone number, and my website on there – and there was still so much empty space! The other thing was that it really says nothing about me, other than that I potentially could be shown to have terrible handwriting! So I went shopping around for other designs. And then, I found it. And it wasn’t even in the business card section.


They’re basically just business cards, but cut in half.

Me – They’re great! They’re just like business cards, but half the vertical height.
Anna – Aw, just like you.
Me – :(

I realized that this was great – I had half the info on a business card, so why not get half a business card?

There weren’t any pre-made designs I liked. I set about making my own. However, drawing a Mascott on the back of a business card seemed… tacky, so I wondered what I could do to beat “tacky.” I approached it as I would an awkward situation that I am determined to make not awkward. Sometimes you just have to go so far beyond “awkward” that it’s not even realistic for anyone to feel awkward anymore.


(My phone number is obscured, though I guess the “spray can tool” isn’t super great at privacy retention.)

If you thought that was ridiculous, you have no idea. I have twenty variations on this card in the box of 100 I bought. 3 different backgrounds, two different colors (orange and blue) and 3 different orientations of the text, and all of those in every possible combination.

But in all seriousness, I realized that I don’t have a lot of backlogged content to show someone I might be giving my business card to. Sure, I’ve got my website, which has links to basically everything I’ve ever written on any site, but it’s not much. So if I’m going to sell myself, it’s because I have a borderline insane person’s business card that editors will remember.

Fast forward to what I received in the mail today….

The finished product.

Republished from mascott speaks.

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The Family Reunion: A Mascott Recap of How I Met Your Mother – Season 8, Episode 1 – “Farhampton”

The Family Reunion

When I wrote for the now defunct, my regular column was a weekly recap of The Walking Dead, a fantastic show on AMC that I’m sure you’re already aware of. The column ran until the site ceased operations at the end of February, and I really enjoyed doing those weekly articles. I was told that the site was shutting down the night of February 20th through a late night phone call. However, earlier that night I had written another column – a secret column.  Read More »

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Let’s Get This Ball Rolling, Shall We?

How about I actually use this blog for something. I mean I’ve only had it for 856 days, I might as well get started now.

Guys! I learned what Reddit is!

I’ll admit, there’s not a lack of reasoning behind this. I have some things in the works, as I have the past few times I’ve made this same basic post, but for now, for both of us, it’s totally and 100% real.

I’ll be at New York Comic Con again this year, writing for a site I’m not sure I’m allowed to say anything about yet. See me there! I’ll give you a business card, because I bought 150 of them and each one is graced with my name in stupidly and hilariously large print. It’s also got this website on it, hence the starting of the content. Read More »

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